The Difference Between Enabling and Helping

Is a physician who speaks and writes about stress reduction, burnout prevention, mental health, wellness and resilience. Also, I always recommend enlisting the advice of a qualified professional, such as a psychologist or experienced counselor. If that’s out of your reach, talk about your situation with a wise person in your life, whose relationships are going well. Enablers soften consequences by minimizing the importance of events (“It’s OK, it didn’t really matter anyway”). Helpers make sure that any negative behavior is followed by a consistent consequence.

Encouraging Personal Responsibility

After three weeks, he found a part-time job as a software developer. Going to work again and interacting with colleagues helped him feel engaged and useful. Beating addiction requires a lot of help, and a qualified addiction specialist at United Recovery Project can point you in the right direction. Being overly polite might seem kind, but it often leads to problems anyway, in relationships, with friends, and at work. Last year I attended a lecture by the legendary behavior change expert, Dr. James Prochaska, at the Harvard Institute for Lifestyle Medicine. I’d first studied his “Stages of Change” model many years before, in an undergraduate Health Psychology course.

How to Foster Resilience During the Recovery Journey

It was his turn and I had no intention of enabling him to shirk his responsibility. He protested for a few minutes but eventually followed through. You’re participating in his irresponsible habits when you willingly tell untruths to protect him from the consequences. Enabling is similar to helping someone, for example, with an opportunity. However, in this context, the term enabling means continuously doing things for someone who has the ability to do those things for themselves. Enablers usually go out of their way or neglect their own needs to help.

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Ending an enabling relationship may be uncomfortable, but it is necessary for the well-being of both parties involved. An emphasis on assertiveness and commitment to breaking the cycle is critical 2. Learning to recognize the boundary between support vs enabling requires both compassion and courage, especially when every fiber of your being just wants to shield someone from pain. “Ending an enabling relationship requires assertiveness — the ability to say no,” Dr. Borland says. “For a lot of people, learning to be assertive is a new and potentially uncomfortable skill set. The more you spend time, energy and financial resources on others, the more effect it can have on your own well-being.

• Waiting for addiction to reach its lowest point, or “rock bottom,” before seeking treatment is no longer the recommended approach.
• Comprehending the instinctual responses and responsibilities that precipitate enabling behaviors is key to transitioning from enabling to helping.
• Love can be complicated, especially when someone you care about is struggling with addiction.
• Setting boundaries helps protect the well-being of both the individual with the substance use disorder and their loved ones.
• I had to figure this out very quickly to avoid destroying the lives of those dear to me, and falling into the codependency trap.

Helping Vs. Enabling: What’s the Difference?

Enabling involves mitigating the natural consequences of unhealthy actions, which ultimately reinforces those behaviors 2. Understanding the distinction between helping and enabling is crucial in fostering healthier relationships and promoting personal growth. By recognizing the signs of enabling behavior, individuals can take important steps towards breaking the cycle and engaging in more supportive and empowering behaviors. When it comes to addressing substance use disorders, seeking help and intervention is crucial for individuals and their loved ones.

Supporting behaviors aim to empower individuals to be independent, confident, and accountable for their actions. Determining whether you are enabling or helping is crucial in healthy relationships and personal growth in those you care about. No fluff or complex jargon here – just straightforward insights to help you understand the behaviors that could either be beneficial or detrimental. Expect to learn how to recognize signs of both, and ways to transform your well-intentioned support into empowering assistance.

Some people choose to ignore the poor behavior of others in order to keep the peace. I’ve done this when dealing with people who are defensive or likely to shift the enabling vs helping blame to me. I knew it would only lead to an argument since I’m not afraid to stand up for myself. I had to figure this out very quickly to avoid destroying the lives of those dear to me, and falling into the codependency trap. Your initial support helped get us here and bolstered our newsroom, which kept us strong during uncertain times.

• While you may feel responsible for the situation a child or partner finds themselves in, you owe it to your loved one and yourself to avoid engaging in enabling behaviors.
• It is important to remember that boundaries are not meant to be punitive, but rather serve as a protective measure for both parties involved.
• By setting boundaries, you encourage the person to take ownership of their challenges and seek healthier ways to address them.
• An enabler would rather avoid this confrontation, and so they ignore the behavior, push things to the side, or avoid their loved one altogether.

She recommended working with a therapist to change these patterns and explore how they developed in the first place. Additionally, she shared some helpful reminders to keep in mind as you shift away from enabling. Delawalla similarly advised considering whose narrative you’re supporting and whether showing “support” requires you to compromise your own morals, well-being and/or relationships.

Many families are wrongly told to “wait for rock bottom” and that their loved one needs to feel ready to seek treatment in order for it to work. The idea that we should wait for the disease to get worse before seeking treatment is dangerous. Give assistance by getting your child into a drug or alcohol rehab. Attend the family therapy sessions that are usually part of the comprehensive recovery program.

This could involve setting boundaries, expressing concerns, and encouraging the person to seek professional help or support groups. By empowering rather than enabling, individuals can help their loved ones develop the skills and resilience necessary for long-term growth and recovery. When it comes to helping a loved one who is going through a difficult time, it’s important to be aware of the distinction between enabling and empowering. Enabling behaviors involve justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior, often with the intention of providing support or protection 1. To break this cycle and foster a healthier dynamic, it is crucial to acknowledge the issue and understand the difference between empowering and enabling. When establishing boundaries, it is important to be honest without being judgmental.

On the surface, enabling someone may feel like you’re helping them until they can do better. Helping goes wrong when it makes the receiver’s condition or situation worse. While offering help is an act of kindness, overdoing it can backfire on the person who’s benefiting as well as you. You’ve, in essence, crossed the thin line from helping to enabling.

Knowing these differences can prevent unintentional harm and promote genuine support. By recognizing the signs of substance use disorders and seeking professional help at the earliest signs, individuals can increase the chances of successful recovery. Family addiction support plays an important role in creating a sustainable recovery environment. Family therapy offers a structured approach to healing, providing a neutral space to explore enabling patterns, develop healthier communication strategies, and understand addiction’s systemic impact. This therapy can also enhance family members’ skills in managing their own emotions and reactions during challenging moments.

When you support, you acknowledge the person you’re supporting is the master of their own destiny. You have faith in another person’s capacity to make their own choices, and also—maybe most importantly—their own mistakes. When someone makes their own mistakes, they have an opportunity to learn from them and to grow.

When it comes to substance use disorders, enabling behavior can have detrimental effects on both the individuals struggling with addiction and their loved ones. Understanding enabling in addiction is crucial for promoting healthy recovery. This section will explore enabling in addiction and the effects it can have on the recovery process.

Conversely, helping involves providing a support system that fosters a person’s growth, learning, and attainment of goals. It centres on empowering them to tackle their issues head-on, rather than protecting them from the outcomes of their actions. Recognizing the difference between enabling and helping is crucial for fostering healthier relationships and personal growth. When we enable, we unintentionally hinder others from taking responsibility for their actions, which can impede their development and self-sufficiency. Enabling relationships with those struggling with alcohol and substance use disorders will lead to them remaining sick. On the other hand, enabling behaviors neglect one’s own needs and keep individuals in harmful cycles of behavior.